Lousy service from Littlewoods Europe

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It's now a day since I started my social media campaign to get a real response from Littlewoods Europe. It isn't easy.

Eight days ago I received an automated response warning me I'd have to allow "up to 48 hours" for them to get back to me. Maths was never my core competency but I'm pretty sure that there are more than 48 hours in eight days.

I certainly don't blame the staff. Earlier this year Shop Direct, the parent company of Littlewoods Europe, closed its call centre in Liverpool making all the staff redundant. Clearly the company sees communicating with customers is a waste of money.

Anyway, today I've flagged up my blog entry with a few Tweets mentioning Littlewoods Europe in negative terms. I've also started putting negative responses on the appropriate parts of its website. I'll keep on with that.

The idea eventually is to get some sort of article out of this fiasco. In the past I would perhaps have used my position as a journalist to approach Littlewoods' PR company and get them to kick the appropriate people up the backside.

This time I'm only going to use the online tools available to anybody who has been badly treated by a company. Unfortunately so far they don't seem to be having any effect.

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• Earnings rise by 182pc at Shop Direct (telegraph.co.uk)

Why buying from Littlewoods Europe proved to be less than a bargain

A number of British high street brands including Littlewoods, Argos and Marks and Spencer started to target British ex-patriates in 2009 via the internet. With the collapse in the value of the pound their prices look good in comparison with many local shops in Spain.

I noticed the difference when the back of my office chair collapsed a couple of months ago. The only replacements I could find in Ibiza were uncomfortable, badly made or over-priced, and generally a combination of the three.

At the end of a dispiriting day trudging round the shops I came across a link to the website for Littlewoods Europe. The link promised a 10% discount.

I love a bargain and the site impressed me. The range was a bit limited, but the prices were good. Now I wish I'd never discovered the Littlewoods Europe website.

My wife needed a new winter coat. She found one she liked the look of and I found a chair which had been well-reviewed.

I should have realised that Littlewoods' European operation wasn't up to speed when I started to try and place my order one Sunday evening in the middle of November.

It took a few minutes to fill in all the usual details followed by a click to confirm. The result was an error message clearly intended for the IT people who manage the database. I had a few attempts before I eventually gave up.

It seemed logical that the error messages would alert somebody in Littlewoods' IT department, after all, I probably wasn't the only potential customer failing to be allowed to make a purchase. A couple of days later I was able to make the order, except it wouldn't accept the discount any more.

I decided to carry on and get the stuff ordered as my wife wanted her coat sooner rather than later as it was getting cold. It was a slight disappointment that once the order was completed the tracking on the website said that the delivery would take nearly two weeks instead of the three days or so it suggested on the website. In retrospect it was another reason I shouldn't have trusted Littlewoods Europe.

The following day I emailed the company to ask about the missing discount and to check that it really was okay to have stuff delivered to a PO box. Many companies will only deliver to a physical address. As I live in the Ibiza countryside this often means directing van drivers with my appalling Spanish. No fun for either party.

Littlewoods Europe confirmed that it does deliver to PO boxes and said my query about the discount would be passed to the appropriate department. Of course I heard nothing more from them.

Meanwhile I checked on the order tracking page of the Littlewoods Europe website to see if the delivery was still due on November 30. I was greeted with a strange message: "Please call CORE_BUSINESS_PHONE." This was particularly difficult as there is no phone number of any sort listed on the website.

So I emailed again. A day or so later I was told that the appropriate department would be contacted on my behalf. I heard nothing.

As of today I have spent six weeks emailing Littlewoods Europe every couple of days. In response I have received polite replies and promises that somebody will do something.

The only change there has been is that the tracking page now describes the order for my wife's coat as "cancelled". I didn't cancel it and I certainly haven't received a refund of any of the money that was deducted from my credit card as soon as I made the order.

I really do feel I have more than exhausted the official channels. Now it's time to take action using all the tools available on the internet including Facebook, Twitter, price comparison sites and anywhere I can make a comment.

In the posts that follow I'll tell you what I'm doing. And please contact me if you've had similarly bad experiences the Shop Direct Group which includes Kays, Woolworths, Great Universal and Additions Direct as well as Littlewoods.

Ibiza villa for sale

We're selling our gorgeous Ibiza home. Why? You might well ask.

Both Barbara and I had lived all our lives in cities until we moved to Ibiza five years ago. Now we feel ready to return to a little of the noise, rush and buzz of an urban existence. In an ideal world we would keep this house and have a little apartment in Ibiza Town if the tranquility here got too much.

Unfortunately our combined income would not be enough to support two properties in Ibiza as well as our little dog Lilly after whom the house is named. Incidentally, the name 'Casa Lilly' isn't official. It's just convenient when selling a place to call it something when there is no street number.

You may well see the property on the websites of various Ibiza estate agents. We are, of course, more than happy to sell through one of them. They are all good and reliable.

In Spain, however, there is a substantial commission to be paid. The average is 5%. Yes, it is the seller who has to fork out, but what we are interested in is the final amount of cash we receive from the sale. So if you approach us direct without going through an agent there is more room for negotiation.

That certainly does not mean you should not employ a good lawyer. Spanish property transactions are complex and you really do need an expert to lead you through the minefield. The good news is legal expenses are generally reasonable in our experience.

Anyway, enough of worrying stuff. Most of the pictures on this site were taken in November 2009. So you'll see some flowers in the garden, but not as many as you would in spring and early summer. Still, I was wondering round in shorts and a t-shirt as I took the photographs, which certainly wouldn't be the case in the UK or anywhere else in northern Europe.

Also, I shouldn't really say this, but if we don't receive a reasonable offer to buy Casa Lilly before the end of spring 2010 we may well rent the accommodation on a weekly basis for the summer months. If it isn't available we would be happy to recommend a wide variety of other properties ranging from compact apartments to luxurious mansions. Just drop us an email.

More importantly, you know you want to buy our lovely house. It won't be available for ever so get in touch now.

How to get into VIP in Ibiza's clubs

At the beginning of the summer of 2008 I was commissioned to write this article about the VIP area

Image by Q-BEE via Flickr

s in Ibiza's clubs by the editor of a well-known Ibiza blog. Unfortunately she parted company with the company before the piece could be published.

Thw article was going to be so straightforward. It was planned as a basic grid with a list of prices, contact numbers and the benefits of VIP admission to Ibiza’s biggest and best discos. If only it had been that simple.

When I offered to write it I only had the vaguest idea of how VIP worked in Ibiza's clubs. I’d heard people paid 300 euros or so for a bottle of vodka which gave them access to nirvana behind the velvet rope. But that was the extent of my knowledge.

Of course I’ve been in the VIP areas of all the big clubs. But I’m a journalist. If I wanted to pay to get in anywhere I’d get a job which gave me sufficient income to buy a ticket. I do have some shame though. I’m far too polite to ask the punters sitting with their bottles of vodka how much they’d been charged.

Instead the answer, I thought, was to email the clubs and ask each of them how much it cost to get in to VIP. Only the very helpful Armando Daura from Amnesia replied to my enquiry. So I took the opportunity to go and have a chat with him and to see the new Amnesia terrace.

As we talked it quickly became clear that I was stupid to think there would be anything along the lines of a VIP price list for any club. Supply and demand is everything in Ibiza. You want a table near the DJ booth for Cocoon or Manumission in August? Of course it’s going to cost you more than a Fiesta de Agua in June.

In some ways VIP follows the flexible ticket-pricing policy that exists for ordinary club admission. Early in the season it’s easy to pick up free passes, especially if the night’s not too popular. Getting a few extra punters through the door to pay through the nose for drinks is better than nothing. And maybe they’ll encourage their pals to come the following week.

With VIP the position is more complicated because there are no published prices. Essentially you either phone the club direct or get one of the concierge services to do it for you. Explain what you’re after and they’ll quote you a price. As nothing’s fixed that means you can haggle. It’s up to you. But do call at least a day ahead.

Whether or not you accept the first offer you won’t get a ticket or be able to pay for your admission upfront unless you go through a concierge service. You reserve a table at a club in the same way as you would at a restaurant. Pay when you get there and make sure you have cash.. Credit cards have their uses in Ibiza, but those uses don’t always include paying for drinks or food.

Although the prices vary the package you get from each club is fairly similar;

• One bottle of vodka, whisky or gin plus five energy drinks or ten standard mixers between two people. Alternatively you can have a bottle of champagne.
• A table guaranteed for the night where you can leave those drinks while you head for the dance floor.
• A special entrance free from queues. (And, of course, they’ll have your name on the list.)
• Most importantly you’ll have room to breathe, no matter how rammed the rest of the club is.

Despite the similarities the actual VIP experience varies hugely from club to club. Sometimes the service is impeccable. A nod towards the attentive waiting staff brings perfectly-chilled drinks to you

Image by TheFalcon via Flickr

r table in seconds.

Equally, you can feel invisible as you try to get somebody, anybody, to bring you a bottle of over-priced, tepid liquid. Generous tipping, by the way, does wonders for your visibility. Don’t worry about staff sneering at ostentatious displays of cash. They’ll keep their contempt well hidden.

The other great variable from club to club is the celebrity count. Most people with tables in VIP have paid for them. (It’s a strange definition that makes a “Very Important Person” anybody who can spend 300 euros on a bottle of voddy.) The meaning of “celebrity” is equally loose. Perhaps if I spent more time watching reality TV shows I’d have more luck spotting them. But then I’m a VIP on occasion which shows just how lax the rules are.

Well not that lax. Before I get myself blacklisted by every club on the island I should point out that admission policies for VIP are stricter than they are on the normal door. Basically, if you turn up barely able to stand in your cut-off shorts and football shirt, you won’t get in. End of story. You won’t be on the list.

So now you know as much as I know about paying for VIP. Frankly, drinking the half bottle of spirits included in the deal would mar rather than enhance my night’s clubbing. But that’s me. On the other hand there are times when I’d pay almost anything for a little air-conditioned room to breathe.

Next time I’ll tell you about the secret uber-VIP rooms where celebrities snort lines of coke off the naked breasts of beautiful groupies. Or maybe not.

Seriously though. if you do want to get into VIP I do know all the right people and I should be able to get you as good a price as anybody. The charge will still be exorbitant, but you may feel it's worth the outlay for a special occasion.

I also have good contacts if you want to buy or rent a villa. Many of the properties here in Ibiza are beautiful, but there are more than a few sharks, cowboys and time-wasters in the estate agency business here. I can help you avoid them.

Finally, of course, I am a very experienced journalist, writer and author always on the look out for work. So if you need somebody to write about anything to do with Ibiza - from celebrities and nightlife to the spiritual and peaceful side of this beautiful island - please don't hesitate to get in touch.

Give me a buzz on 0203 039 2976. This is a UK number that should come straight through to me here in Ibiza.

Skype me by clicking on the button in the right-hand column.

Or email me at: ibizanick@nickclayton.otherinbox.com

Fired from The Scotsman for blogging

This is just a brief entry because my sacking has been well-documented. If you want to read more check out these articles in The Guardian, Roy Greenslade's blog and UK Press Gazette

The original blog that led to my demise as The Scotsman's gadget columnist can be read here. Finally you can read my version of events on the ki work blog.

Danger of having a good memory for faces from Ibiza

A friend and former resident was over in Ibiza recently for a few days. On his way back to the UK he spotted the neighbour of another friend and said "hello", as you do. He's very polite.

I should say that the neighbour he greeted is not exactly in the first flush of youth. In fact if you saw her using a bus pass you might think she was well-preserved, but you wouldn't be totally shocked. My friend thought nothing of the brief encounter until he arrived at his destination airport.

As soon as he got into the terminal he was marched off and thoroughly strip-searched. Apparently his nodding acquaintance from Ibiza was being followed the police as she was apparently carrying a large quantity of heroin.

I'm sure there's a moral in this story somewhere. But I'm not sure I really want to think about it.

Ibiza property clampdown

While Ibiza's clubbing tourists have been worrying about the impact of the enforced daytime closure of discos and music bars, many of the island's villa and apartment owners have been getting worked up about a more serious threat to their well-being. The authorities have promised a major clampdown on unlicensed property rentals.

On the face of it property owners really don't have anything to complain about. There are plenty of people who make a nice untaxed income from renting out their villas and apartments in Ibiza for the summer season. They may live in the UK or Germany and have a holiday home in Ibiza or they may be full-time island residents who go away for July and August, using the rent to pay for a holiday or just to cover the mortgage for the rest of the year.

It's not simply that owners don't pay tax on the properties, there are also no safety checks. Without being overly protective there are all sorts of risks from things such as faulty heaters. We don't want a repeat of the tragedy where two kids were killed by fumes in Corfu.

There is some evidence of the size of the unlicensed property market in Ibiza. Each year the number of passengers arriving on the island by air and sea increases. At the same time occupancy in Ibiza's hotels keeps falling. I know that there is a belief that the consumption of drugs allows some of these tourists to spend all their time in clubs and bars without the need for a bed. But, I honestly don't believe there are that many.

The response by the authorities to the disparity is to employ more inspectors to trawl through websites and other places where villas and apartments are advertised for rent looking for people who aren't licensed. Anybody who is caught faces potentially massive fines based on the amount of rent they might have received over several years. So could be talking about penalties amounting to tens of thousands of euros. No wonder owners are nervous.

So are owners lining up to legalise their position? Not really. Getting a licence for anything in Spain is complicated, even if you speak the language fluently. There's a tradition of waiting until you get caught before you try and get the paperwork. For instance, few people seem to get their car taxed until they have to sell it when proof of payment is needed to legalise the transfer. Building work goes ahead without permission in the hope that either nobody notices you've built a swimming pool or the fine won't be too big.

Of course, if you do go along and try and get your rental property licensed and fail, what you're doing is advertising its illegality to the authorities. You definitely can't plead ignorance afterwards. But actually I believe most people would rather be legal even if it reduces their income a little. It's better than the risk of being dragged through the courts.

Conspiracy theorists believe that the government doesn't really want villa and apartment landlords to get licences. They say this is because hotel owners want to eliminate the competition. It's easy to understand why hoteliers are fed up at the moment as they watch what they see as unfair competition from people who don't pay taxes or licence fees.

Where the logic goes awry is in the assumption that holidaymakers who can't rent a villa in Ibiza will stay in one of the island's hotels instead. Many will simply find a villa somewhere else. That's the sort of holiday they're after, not one spent in a hotel.

The potential for bad publicity for the island is enormous. If the clampdown is effective, imagine what visitors are going to say if they arrive at their villa or apartment to find it has been closed by the authorities. They are not going to say: "Next time we come to Ibiza we'll stay at hotel." They'll say: "We're not going to that bloody island again."

Hopefully, the authorities are just making belligerent noises to please the hotel owners. The clampdown won't be as heavy as is suggested and it's just the start of a rational licensing system for rented properties. We'll see.


Technorati Tags     nick,hotels,ibiza,clayton,villas,apartments,flights

Ibiza stag party for Rooney

Here's the news we've not been waiting for, football's Mr Potato Head and his pals are coming to the island at the beginning of June. We've spent ten years trying to persuade people that the Sky television series Ibiza Uncovered only revealed the worst excesses of drunken young Brits in a couple of streets in a single resort. Can Wayne undo all that?

The signs aren't promising according to the Sunday Mirror's story. Apparently' "Roo's" do is being organised by "party-loving practical joker" Rio Ferdinand who is also "pretty well connected on the Ibiza party scene". Joining them will be Man United players Wes Brown and John O'Shea, along with Liverpool's Steven Gerrard, Peter Crouch and Jamie Carragher. Some of them aren't exactly unfamiliar with Ibiza.

I hope there aren't crowds of paparazzi now booking their easyJet flights in the hope of getting well-paid snaps of footballers behaving badly. There aren't any paps based here, thank god. An amazing number of celebs pop over to the island in the summer without being noticed, unless they want to be. I only know they've been here thanks to friends who are drivers, chefs and cleaners.

There is hope that Rooney's stag do won't attract too much unwanted attention. The guests are staying at the house that Jonathan Woodgate bought when he was playing for Real Madrid. It's not that easy to find. Roo also says he wants a quiet time and he hates dancing.

It's just as well as most of Ibizas' nightclubs aren't going to be in full swing when he arrives. He'll miss the Space opening party, so it will really have to be Pacha if somehow Ibiza's spirit of dance gets to Wayne.

With a bit of luck we'll never know as none of the tabloids will tell us. What happens in Ibiza stays in Ibiza.







Technorati Tags space,ibiza,rooney,jonathan,woodgate,rio,ferdinand,pacha

Banning Ibiza after parties

It's the big topic of conversation amongst the people headed for Ibiza's clubs this summer. I'm not convinced that it's such a big deal.

The plan by the authorities is to stop clubs and 'music bars' opening before 4.30pm. It's actually not quite that straightforward as San An's mayor in particular has noticed that a blanket ban would prevent bars from showing some of the Euro 2008 games. So the impact of the ban differs according to which town council's in charge.

What all the councils agree is that they want to stop the 24-hour clubbing phenomenon. So there should be a break from 6am until 4.30pm. Or so they say. DC10 seems to be ignoring the ban and planning to open at 8am as ever. Space has a dispensation, it seems, to open at noon for its opening party. Apart from those you shouldn't find any public daytime parties this summer. We'll see.

The argument the politicians put forward is that nobody can keep going for 24 hours without drugs. They have a point. Maybe there are a few people who can go straight from Space to DC10 sustained by nothing stronger than Red Bull and electronica, but I haven't met many.

Recreational drugs are, of course, no more legal in Ibiza than they are in the rest of Spain, or most of the world for that matter. So the authorities have a duty to try and prevent their sale, possession and consumption. They argue that the lengthy enforced break will cut drug use.

"Nonsense" - or words to that effect - respond many of the clubbers and promoters I've spoken to. In the absense of an organised after-party people will just head for villas, apartments, hotel rooms or beaches to carry on. The effect will be to annoy everybody who doesn't want to share their peace and quiet with groups of caned clubbers. It's also considerably more dangerous to overdo it in private than in a well-supervised club.

There's some truth in the argument that the new law will just scatter the caners. But there's another side to the argument. Part of the point of heading to an after-party is to score more gear. There are always dealers in and around after-hours venues. Close them and people will have nowhere to go and replenish their stocks. Without anywhere to go some people who would have carried on partying will head off for a sleep.

Of course, as long as there are bars, cafes and shops open, there'll be places to score and people to sell. News travels pretty fast on the Ibiza grapevine. That doesn't mean the information will get through to every would-be drug user on the island. Many will be scared to ask around about buying drugs. And they're not stupid. Getting busted is not the ideal way to extend your holiday.

My feeling is that the authorities may be right and the new closing hours will cut drug consumption. But I don't think it'll have a huge impact. The price that will be paid for that slight reduction will be an increase in nuisance for holidaymakers and residents. Instead of being in clubs and bars the noisy caners will be on your beach, in the hotel room next to you or throwing up over the balcony of the apartment above you. (I should say I'm certainly not having a go at everybody who likes to party, but there's enough of a minority to piss off a lot of people.)

I also think the big changes in club hours have already happened without much fuss. As soon as the authorities started to enforce 6am closing at the big clubs they created a two-hour break before Space, DC10 etc opened. And most of the people who've complained most loudly to me about the ban on opening before 4.30pm never hit the terraces before then anyway.

Don't worry it'll still be a great summer. Ibiza's culture flourishes in the face of a little adversity.


Technorati Tags space,nick,drugs,ibiza,clayton,dc10,parties

Ibiza nightmare

My bad dreams usually follow a pattern. Either I'm falling or I'm lost and desperately find something in some vaguely familiar place. It's not very profound, but always me feeling slightly disturbed when I wake up. They're certainly not what I'd call nightmares.

Yesterday I felt I was living through a combination of bad dreams. In fact. if I didn't have the cuts and bruises to show for it I'd think Saturday May 3 was a figment of my sleeping imagination.

It started normally. As ever I was a little late getting on with my plans, exciting stuff such as heading to the post office to pick up my mail, buying a new paint roller and food for the weekend. That meant heading into the town of Jesus and back via Sta Eulalia. I could have gone another way, but for various totally uninteresting reasons I didn't. I wish I had.

At this point I should say I came off my scooter a couple of weeks ago. It was stupid. I wasn't concentrating. It was a sort of wake-up call given that I'd had the little 125 for almost two years without the slightest bump. The accident had shaken me a little and the bike was no longer pristine. It left me shaken enough not to ride for a few days.

So I was slightly nervous when I started riding along the windy main road from Jesus to Sta Eulalia. It's filled with sharp curves, deep drops and a slightly unsettling camber in places. Actually it can be a pleasure to ride for those very reasons. But yesterday I felt stiff, not leaning into the curves properly. I braked badly on at one bend, then, well there's a blank spot in my memory.

I remember seeing a white van too close behind me in the mirror. Blank. Suddenly I was off the edge into a sheer drop. Another blank. Then I stood up, surprised that nothing hurt too seriously. I waved a thumbs up to the van driver who then headed off. Fortunately another couple of drivers stopped. I might only have had bumps, scratches and bruises, but hauling even a small motorbike up a slope is not easy. Three of us struggled on the steep, crumbling slope.

One of the guys was wearing a "Britsat" tee-shirt. I guessed - correctly - he was Chris. I'd spoken to him at Christmas when my Sky system packed up. In the end I was able to fix it myself. After yesterday let me heartily recommend his service. Next time...

Fortunately the damage to the scooter was only superficial, although I can't say I'm looking forward to gluing the cracked and split fairing together. So I rode home. Very slowly. Then I sat down and every muscle in my arms and lower back seemed to seize up and complain painfully. I'm still bloody sore.

That wasn't the end of the waking bad dream. In the evening, having as you'll remember missed out on the food shopping, Barbara and I decided to go for a cheap Chinese meal in Figueretas. I drove. Two minutes after leaving the house we see several cars scattered randomly around what we know is a dangerous junction. A guy is lying lifeless under his scooter next to a large rubbish bin. He looks in a bad way. It's almost a relief to hear him moaning. People are talking into mobile phones including the guy who seems to have hit the scooter. He's speaking French. The wing of his black Suzuki jeep is badly damaged.


Deciding there's little we can achieve by gawking we drive on. Slowly. At the "McDonalds roundabout" close to Figueretas we pull over to let an ambulance past. A minute or two later we've arrived at the scene of another accident. All I can see is the end of a woman's legs. The rest of her body is obscured by a police car. She's wearing blue flip-flops. I really don't want to see any more.


Now the evening descends more into farce than nightmare. I drop Barbara off near the restaurant and go to look for a parking space. It's never easy in Figueretas. I spot something on the other side of the road. It's tight, but every space is. I totally screw up the manoeuvre. It doesn't help that this is taking place outside a cafe and a stern-faced woman keeps looking at me and shaking her head as I struggle. I can't even use the bumpers as nature intended as there's a shinynew scooter parked in front. After two minutes of lock-to-lock my back wheel is a couple of inches up on the low curb and I can't straighten up.

In this situation my motto is: "If at first you don't succeed, give up." Trouble is I'm stuck. More struggling and I get out without hitting anything. Eventually I find a spot in the car park at the end of the road. I know Barbara will be getting fed up waiting. But I don't want to suffer the stare of the po-faced woman at the cafe. So I decide to walk back along the seafront away from the road.

I head down a ramp. It peters out into a dead end. But it's easy to step over the low wall of a hotel and what seems to be the beginning of the promenade. Unfortunately, there's no way out except through the hotel. So I decide to go that way. The problem is the hotel is built on the side of a cliff so the entrance is not on the ground floor. And I can't find a sign or even a person to ask the way to reception. I'm walking ever faster through faceless corridors and up blank staircases. Nothing. Sensors set off lights to brighten the gloom and add to my feeling that at some point I'm going to be arrested or something. My phone rings and it's Barbara wondering where I am.

Eventually I give up and retrace my steps. Hobbling as fast as I can along the road I note somebody's neatly claimed the space where I'd failed to park. Sore and sweating I make it to the restaurant.

The meal was okay and we pop into Uno y Dos for a non-alcoholic drink and to chat with Mitch. The drive back was happily uneventful. I can't say I slept well thanks to my various aches and pains. But my sleep was without dreams.

Technorati Tags     nick,ibiza,clayton

Ibiza's ***** blunders

Ten years ago the Sky TV series Ibiza Uncovered created the impression that the whole island was filled with obnoxious, drunken, mooning, British teenagers. Ever since there have been attempts to change Ibiza's image. It's been an uphill struggle.

"It'll be like Ibiza," is standard shorthand for British town councillors opposing licence extensions. Everybody knows what they mean. I'm no longer shocked by the ignorance. I thought my friends and relatives weren't naive enough to believe everything they see on television or read in the papers. But when they've come to visit me they've been genuinely surprised to find how beautiful, peaceful and unspoilt most of Ibiza is.

So what's needed is a slogan which captures the idea that the general perception of Ibiza is wrong. And that's what Sta Eulalia's soon-to-open five star hotel and spa Aguas de Ibiza has tried to do. So visitors to its website are greeted with the immortal words: "Think Ibiza, Think Again."

Inside the site it gets even worse. "You can check in any time you want, but you can never leave," makes it sound as if hotel guests are going to be held captive. (It doesn't help if you know that Hotel California is actually about cocaine addiction.)

On one level this is just another "ah well, that's Ibiza" type story. But five-star hotels only survive on immaculate service and attention to detail. If they can't even be bothered to get a native English-speaker to look over their marketing materials it doesn't bode well. I'm now expecting Fawlty Towers, but I hope I'm surprised. (Although if they want to employ me as a copywriter I'll change my mind I'm sure!)

Is Ibiza the new San Tropez?

Is Ibiza the new San Tropez or the new Notting Hill?

It's funny but so far this year I haven't read any newspaper stories about a holiday resort which promises to be the 'new Ibiza'. Maybe their absence is a good sign. The articles were just lazy shorthand concococted by PR people and journalists.

These 'new' stories have always followed the same basic pattern. Just pick any place with sun, sea, cheap booze, Club 18-30 holidays and a disco where Judge Jules or Pete Tong have appeared. That's all a writer needs to uncover a new Ibiza. As journalism goes it's cheap and, usually, nasty. But, hey, I call myself a journalist too. And I live in Ibiza.

So I thought I'd flip the idea on its head and look at where I think Ibiza might be going, based on what's happened to other places with a few important similarities. I'm not saying they're identical. No two places have the same history or geography. But there are parallels I think. See if you agree.

San Tropez was a beautiful fishing village on the French Riviera. Actually it still is a beautiful spot with narrow winding lanes leading down to the Mediterranean. You won't find many fishermen though. Instead there are designer shops and classy restaurants lining the perfectly restored streets.

In a few years that could be Ibiza Town or even San An, although perhaps a little too much concrete needs to be removed in order to really move the latter resort upmarket. The area round the port and Dalt Vila in Ibiza though is ripe for 'improvement'. Work has already begun to turn the castle into a Parador, part of the state-run chain of upmarket hotels in historic buildings. The council has also started forcing people under the city walls in Sa Penya to upgrade their properties.

It would be hard to argue against this regeneration. Many of the old buildings are in a sorry state and will fall down if they aren't restored. The castle has been allowed to crumble into a state of disrepair for decades. There is no doubt that something needs to be done to protect the Dalt Vila and Sa Penya.

The changes will make the area more desirable. Prices will rise. Many of the existing occupants will be forced out. That won't be unpopular because this is an area with a reputation for drug addiction and crime. The gypsies who live here now aren't much loved by the authorities either.

Global economic problems might slow the regeneration of Ibiza Town, but it's only a matter of time. It'll bring money, protect the fabric of this historic area and make it a much pleasanter place to live or visit. Can that be a bad thing?

I'm not sure. Going back to San Tropez: from the 1920s through to the 1960s it was filled with artists, drunks, writers, displaced Russian aristocrats, Spanish republican exiles, whores, playboys and the idle rich. (Okay, I know this is an exaggeration. Most of the population was getting on with normal life in the same way as they always do in any place.) The point is s for a time the town had a fascinating mix of the bored rich and the poor but interesting.

San Tropez now is almost certainly safer, cleaner and in many ways a nicer place for most people to live or visit. but it isn't anywhere I'd be desperate to go. It's pretty and safe. Unfortunately those two virtues aren't the best friends of creativity.

Most painters, musicians, writers and other artists are badly paid. They need somewhere cheap to live. So why not create an artists' community with economical housing? It sounds easy until you try to define 'artist'. There really is no way to distinguish them from chancers, layabouts, junkies, alcoholics or whatever. Indeed, many artists are all of those things. Squallor and art frequently go together. And vice versa. For instance, why has Switzerland as the most consistently wealthy country in Europe with the most spectacular scenery created so little in the way of art?

The point I'm trying to make is that the regeneration of Ibizawill make the island a less exciting place. But it's very hard to argue in favour of poverty.

I intend this to be my first collection of thoughts on changing Ibiza. I'll be blogging as often as other work and pleasure allows.

Ibiza Rolex thief awaits sentence

<These articles were originally submitted to ThinkSpain Today on 3 December 2007. ThinkSpain Today was the country's only national English-language newspaper until it was closed down at the end of December 2007>

A 20-year-old man from Naples Vicenzo Tolomelli has been found guilty of stealing a 25,000 euro Rolex and the attempted violent theft of another expensive watch. His arrest in July came as police pursued a “Rolex Gang” which was terrifying wealthy tourists in Ibiza over the summer.

Police then said the gang was made up of members of the “Camorra”, the Neapolitan equivalent of the Sicilian Mafia. The gang was blamed for 27 violent robberies involving luxury watches between 31 May and the eventual arrest of six Italians in July.

Tolomelli was arrested as he tried to steal a watch from a man in the centre of Ibiza Town. The man fought back and prevented the robbery. In the course of the tussle he was injured and the watch was damaged. The victim is to receive more than 2,500 euros in compensation.

After he was arrested Tolomelli was recognised as the thief who snatched a 25,000 euro Rolex watch from a tourist in an Ibiza Town supermarket car park. Tolomelli has been held in jail since his arrest.

People attending Ibiza penal court number two said that Tolmelli did not act as if he was a “Mafiosi”. He apologised in particular to his father who he said was a Naples council employee who, despite only earning 1400 euros a month, had managed to gather together almost 28,000 euros in compensation for the victims.

The public prosecutor has asked for a sentence of three years prison while Tolomelli’s lawyer has asked that this be reduced to one-year nine months. The judge will decide whether the compensation paid to the victims is sufficient to reduce the sentence.

New law threatens another Ibiza clubbing tradition

The spectacular parades which promoters used to publicise parties at Ibiza’s nightclubs are under threat from new laws. For years the island’s councils have tried to reduce the numbers of flyers handed out as they end up littering beaches and tourist spots. San Josep council, which includes the world-famous Space, has voted to increase the maximum fine to 30,000 euros for serious infractions by promoters. That’s ten times as much as the maximum fine for clubs breaking the new laws on opening hours.

The threat to the parades comes from another part of the same law which bans advertising activity by people not meeting “basic conditions of decency and good taste”. Many of the parades feature women wearing little more than tiny swimsuits and it’s not clear whether this is now illegal. The new law also bans people from handing out flyers with prices or calling them out. They also won’t be able to publicise their activities outside rival clubs.

Coke bust in Denia

A 38-year-old Brazilian has been caught with almost three kilos of cocaine as he tried to board a ferry from Denia to Ibiza. Members of the Denia Guardia Civil and its specialist dog-handling section from Alicante the Service Cinológico became suspicious of the man. When they searched his car they found 2.78 kilos of cocaine stashed in a number of places.

This is the second significant bust on the same ferry route in recent weeks. On 13 November two Dominicans were caught with 200 grams of cocaine hidden in their underwear.

Better dead than read in Ibiza

Almost 60 (58.9%) per cent of the population of the Pitiüses islands (Ibiza and Formantera) have not read a book in the last year. That puts them behind the rest of the Balearics. For Majorca the figure is 43.6% and for Menorca 48.5%. However the annual “Barometer of Communication and Culture” shows Ibiza to be slightly above the Balearic average for internet use with over 60% using it in the week before interviews were carried out.

Porn phone call sentence

A 34-year-old man has been fined 480 euros for making a series of calls to sex phone lines for which his neighbours paid the bills. He was given a reduced sentence as the judge recognised that the suffered from bipolar disorder (what used to be called “manic depression”)

The former telecommunications worker had managed to hack into his local telephone switchboard in Sant Carles Ibiza so neighbours would pay the bill for calls to sex lines amounting to over 11,000 euros between February and June 2005. One of the calls lasted seven hours.

Fourth time unlucky

Police in Ibiza have arrested the same 34-year-old local man four times in three weeks for breaking into cars and removing the documentation. Three of the arrests happened on successive days as he tried to enter a parked vehicle. Following his last arrest he was found to be carrying items which appeared to have been removed from other vehicles showing signs of having been broken into. He apparently left a note in at least one car demanding 200 euros for the return of the documentation to the driver.

Read about my book 'The Guardian Guide to Living Abroad'

Ibiza death memorial on Facebook

<These articles were originally submitted to ThinkSpain Today on 19 November 2007. ThinkSpain Today was the country's only national English-language newspaper until it was closed down at the end of December 2007>

A 22-year-old student died in hospital in Birmingham following injuries sustained in a mysterious fall in an Ibiza apartment building. Rachel Turner had worked promoting clubs in San Antonio over the summer. On 1 October she suffered severe head injuries after she fell ten metres down a stairwell. She was flown back to England where she died a week later in Edgbaston's Priory Hospital.

A message from Rachel’s sister Sarah-Louise on the popular online networking site Facebook says: “I am really sorry but Rach has gone to heaven, she was a fighter and fought till she got home. she died with her family and is at peace with God, in heaven with our brother Ben.”

Sarah-Louise and 300 friends are finalising plans for a huge party in Rachel’s memory. “We thought about having a Pink Party for her, as those who knew Rach, knew she loved all things pink!,” says Sarah-Louise on the Facebook commemorative page entitled: “We love you Rach!”

The authorities in Ibiza are still trying to discover exactly how Rachel came to fall. It is expected they will pass on any findings to the British police. An inquest will be held in Birmingham in the New Year.

A representative of West Midlands Police said: “We are undertaking inquiries on behalf of the Birmingham Coroner. Results of the police inquiry will be presented to the Coroner in the New Year. At this stage, the investigation, which has included contact with the Spanish authorities, remains inconclusive.”

Final ban on Ibiza “after parties”

An opposition councillor warns banning 24-hour clubbing by forcing Ibiza’s discos to shut from 6am to noon will only shift problems to other places. Partido Popular representative Encarna Castro said: “When these bars are closed tourists will look for somewhere else to continue partying such as apartments, parks or beaches.”

By last summer only one council Sant Josep still licensed “after hours” clubs and bars, but those included the biggest and most famous Space and DC10. Castro was speaking just after Sant Josep had fallen into line with the other councils by introducing a law which will allow hefty fines for any club staying open between 6am and noon.

Jellyfish radar

Scientists are to use a high-tech surveillance system to track the jellyfish that bring holiday misery to thousands of Ibiza tourists every summer. The wireless network of buoys and beach antennae will not eradicate the creatures, but will enable boffins to understand what causes their proliferation.

Marine scientist Pedro Arnau of Barcelona University said: “We’ll be looking at the effect of the overfishing of species such as tuna, swordfish and turtles along with the effect of other factors such as desalination, the destruction of coastal habitats and the increase in nitrates in the water as the result of their excessive use by agriculture.”

Columbus wasn’t from Mallorca

An investigative journalist has reignited a row between Majorca and Ibiza which both claim to be the birthplace of explorer Christopher Columbus. The argument has rumbled on for years despite the fact that the majority of historians believe the first European to discover America since the Vikings was born in Genoa, Italy.

Other experts claim that Columbus’ writings are full of “catalanisms” and say the famous sculpture at the foot of the Ramblas in Barcelona shows Columbus pointing towards Ibiza. And the main landmark in the Ibiza tourist hotspot of San Antonio is a giant egg containing a model of his ship the Santa Maria.

Nito Verdera, author of “Christopher Columbus: the book of lies and the four truths”, said that if the explorer’s father was the Prince of Viana, as the Majorcans claimed, Columbus would have been only 46 when he died not 60. Verdera also claims that DNA evidence proves Columbus was Jewish.

Ibiza's low-spending British tourists

Ibiza attracts more British tourists who spend less than the other Balearic islands of Mallorca and Menorca according to a government survey. It also shows that almost two-thirds of Brits (63.3%) coming to the party island are on a package holiday compared with the average for the Balearics of just over a third (36.5%). The number of UK visitors to Ibiza was 602,058, an increase of 10.5% compared with a rise of 2.8% for Majorca and a fall of 6.2%. Only 6.3% of unhealthy Brits took part in any sporting activity while on holiday in Ibiza while a quarter sampled the island’s infamous nightlife.

Police confirm murder

Months after an anonymous tip-off to a local newspaper led police to a body in a disused military building in Ibiza Town it has been confirmed that the man had been murdered. It is believed the Romanian vagrant had received one shot to the face. His corpse, when it was found, was in an advanced state of decomposition and hidden under a pile of newspapers. No weapon has been found and police admit they are not following any specific line of enquiry.

Read about my book 'The Guardian Guide to Working Abroad'

The end of the 24-hour Ibiza party

As always I started with the best intentions of regularly updating this blog. It's never happened because paid work has always taken priority. Sorry about that.

What I've decided to do for the time being is let you in on the copy I send every week to ThinkSpain Today, the only English-language paper for the whole country. What you'll find here may differ quite dramatically from what appears in the paper. That's because it's the job of the sub-editors at ThinkSpain to create a tabloid paper...

These articles were submitted on 24 September 2007.

This summer will be the last that Ibiza’s clubbers can dance through the night and the following day. From 2008 all the island’s discos will have to be closed for the morning. All the politicians have to agree is which hours the clubs will stay locked.

Island Council president Xico Tarrés said that the current system of “after-hours” parties was attracting the wrong type of tourist, the sort who would come for two days without needing to sleep in a hotel because of the pills they’d taken.

He said that the mayors of all Ibiza’s municipalities had been informed of the closure plans and were in agreement. The legal department of the Island Council is now working with Balearic Autonomous Community to draw up a framework for the new laws.

The legislation will mark the end of an era for Ibiza’s clubbers. For years discos have operated until the morning when after-hours clubs such as Space and DC10 opened their doors.

There has been a clampdown on the nightclubs in recent years which have been forced to shut at 6am on schooldays with the aim of reducing the number of accidents involving party-goers and children.

Then, at the beginning of this summer, the clubs Amnesia, DC10 and Bora-Bora were heavily fined and closed by the police as the result of drug dealing taking place in previous years. There is continuing speculation that one or more of these clubs will not re-open in 2008.

Ibiza hit by tomato plague

An outbreak of “tomato leaf-miner” moths which started on a farm in Es Canar has now spread to the whole of Ibiza threatening future crops of vegetables and fruit according to island council scientists.

Originating from South America the moth, which doesn’t just affect tomatoes, is highly resistant to insecticides. Instead government experts are using a combination of techniques including burning the affected plants and using traps baited with artificial scents that are sexually attractive to the moths.

This year’s crops have not been directly affected and farmers hope the winter will kill off any remaining caterpillars, moths and their eggs.

Ibiza bishop in gay sex row

The Bishop of Ibiza and Ibiza town council are embroiled in an increasingly heated row over a picture depicting the late Pope John Paul II in an explicit homosexual act.

The collage by Dutch artist Ivo Hendriks forms part of an exhibition in a former church now used an art gallery. In the latest move the bishop has withdrawn from an agreement dating back to 1998 and demanded the return of the keys to the building.

The local council which part-funded the exhibition said it supported freedom of expression and would not become involved in acts of censorship.

Goodbye Eivissa

There will be no return to using the name “Eivissa” to promote Ibiza to the world according to the local tourist chief.

There had been suggestions that the new council elected in May could return to using “Eivissa” which was supported by the previous Progressive Pact government. But the Balearic Government tourist chief Francesc Buils said it would cost millions of euros to make the international public aware that Ibiza was Eivissa.

He said Ibiza was a well-known brand in the same way as Coca-Cola which has been globally successful for many years without ever changing even its logo.


Ibiza shops hit by tourist spending fall

Despite a rise in the numbers of tourists visiting Ibiza, shops in the island’s resorts are reporting a poor season with income falling by as much as a third in some places compared with last summer.

The worst affected areas, according to the local retail federation, are those which rely wholly on holidaymakers for their trade. In Ibiza Town some traders said that they had so few customers that they were closing at midnight rather than 3am as they have in the past.

In contrast, the shops that cater more to locals and are open year-round have generally maintained their income.

Police blame drugs and alcohol mix for Ibiza tourist death

A 60-year-old tourist has died after, it is believed, he first swallowed a bottle of the drug known as GHB or “liquid ecstasy” then went drinking in the Ibiza resort of Platja d´en Bossa.

The man collapsed in Murphy´s Bar around 9pm. The ambulance crew was unable to revive him and he died before arriving at the hospital.

The cause of death will not be confirmed until a post-mortem and toxicology tests have been carried out. In recent years a number of tourists have died or been admitted to hospital after mixing GHB with alcohol.

Authorities clamp down on new Ibiza buildings

The decision to freeze building work on coastal sites in the Balearic islands of Majorca, Minorca and Ibiza could cost some developers millions of euros.

The Balearic islands’ council is currently working on legislation that should be enacted within a few days which is intended to prevent development in remaining natural areas of beauty and interest. It’s planned that protected zones will be extended, the minimum area required for permission to build a house will be increased to 200,000 square metres.

The socialist-led coalition government also intend to abolish the so-called “Cretu Law” which was introduced by the previous Partido Popular legislation to normalise developments such as the huge mountain-top villa owned by the Enigma star.

Although the clampdown on unfettered building was welcomed by many island residents, others were concerned about the impact on the local economy and their own income.

One Ibiza developer spoke to ThinkSpain Today on condition of anonymity. “I’ve brought millions of euros to Ibiza, not just from villa sales but for the construction workers I’ve employed. People like me have helped the island become rich.

“All the profits I’ve made I’ve poured back into the island. I’ve just paid almost three million for a beautiful plot which is big enough for three spectacular villas. The people who buy them will put their money into the island’s businesses as well. If I can’t build all three houses the figures won’t add up. People like me will quit the island and the economy will suffer,” he said.

Demolition time at Elle Macpherson's old Ibiza villa

The owner of the villa where Aussie supermodel Elle Macpherson used to spend her wild summers in Ibiza is threatened with a 50,000 euro fine and demolition costs for illegally altering a jetty so that nobody else could use it.

The public prosecutor claims the owner of the spectacular seafront villa built a wall up to two-metres high around a yacht landing stage designed for public use. Now the prosecutor’s asking for a 300-euro-a-day fine covering six months of alleged illegal occupation of the jetty.

(Note Elle Macpherson used to spend all her summers in Ibiza until about three years ago when she apparently lost it completely and headed off into rehab. She also sued the Sun successfully not long ago)

Ibiza-born natives outnumbered

Most people who live in Ibiza were not born on the island according to the latest official figures from the Economic and Social Council. In 2006 55.8 per cent of the population came from outside, mostly from mainland Spain. Over 90,000 of the island’s population of almost 114,000 are of Spanish nationality. Most of the rest are European or North Africa.

The figures represent a 2.5 per cent increase over 2006 which authorities say was caused by a combination of immigration and a booming birth-rate which far outweighs the number of deaths.

Unstung heroes of Ibiza's beaches

Ibiza’s tourists may have had to contend with an oil spill, closed clubs and occasional downpours, but they were spared a threatened invasion of jellyfish. The Red Cross said life guards in the San Antonio treated less than 1500 stung swimmers, a third less than they dealt with the year before.

Other municipalities didn’t report specific figures but said their experiences were in Line with San Antonio. Experts had warned of a plague of jellyfish because rising temperatures in the Mediterranean around Ibiza meant they would no longer need to head for warmer seas to breed.

Sounds of Ibiza

Figures collected during the peak holiday months in Ibiza Town showed that over a third of noise hotspots passed the 65 decibel limit laid down by the World Health Organisation. But it wasn’t Ibiza’s famous nightlife that was to blame for the racket.

It was general traffic that caused most of the misery, followed closely by public service vehicles such as buses, taxis and bin lorries. Clubs, bars and restaurants were a long way behind in third place.

Ibiza's unlikely new five-star gallery

Ibiza’s latest five-star attraction, the Granhotel overlooking the port, is to be one of only five hotels in the world which is catalogued like an art gallery. The spectacular building which combines a casino, upmarket restaurants, a spa and 157 suites will, the owners claim, be “alive with the contemporary work of emergent artists”. So far 16 artists from across Spain, Europe and the US have been offered the opportunity to display their work.

Why Ibiza's a crap holiday island

If you want an island holiday head for the freezing Faroes way off the coast of Denmark, or the Azores in the middle of the Atlantic or Scotland’s isolated Shetland Isles. Whatever you do avoid Ibiza, that was the message from a survey of experts by the prestigious National Geographic Traveler.

The magazine looked at 111 holiday islands around the world and asked 522 sustainable tourism experts to score them all. Ibiza received 37 points putting it equal bottom with St Thomas in the Virgin Islands, a former beauty spot which is now overwhelmed by millions of cruise ship tourists.

“Ibiza is not Spanish anymore. Or Balearic. It is a colony of Europe and, at times, seems more a colony of British ravers. Half the island is still 'natural.' The other half has been lost completely to the party circuit,” said one anonymous expert.

Another added: “Ibiza cannot get rid of the vicious circle it went through a few years ago. Booze, partying, and drugs are a big part of an increasingly sleazy scene.”

But they weren’t all totally negative: “Some might argue that Ibiza has been despoiled, but a closer inspection reveals much that is still appealing: centuries-old defense towers and churches; walks from beach to beach on largely unspoiled stretches with rocky outcrops; and beautiful views of Es Vedra rock off the southwest coast.”

There was also a ray of hope from the magazine’s editor Jonathan B Tourtellot who said that in resorts blessed with sun and sea development can soon get out of hands. “No surprise, then, that cloudy, beach-poor islands score well,” he said. Given the weather this autumn there’s still hope for Ibiza.

Suspended sentence for hopeless arsonist

A 21-year-old has been spared jail after a botched arson attempt in August 2006. He had bought petrol with the intention of setting fire to the car of his mother’s ex-boyfriend.

The boyfriend’s car was a Fiat Panda but the bungling burner got it mixed up with a Fiat Uno belonging to somebody else. Having set fire to the wrong car the flames spread to four other cars near the old cemetery on the outskirts of San Antonio. The heat from the blazing vehicles then set fire to 3,500 square metres of scrubland creating a spectacular show for many San Antonio tourists.

The culprit was caught after he handed himself into the police station with burnt feet. And the reason the local police were looking for him? An officer had earlier seen him buying the petrol. Asked what it was for the youth truthfully replied it was to set fire to a car. The cop thought he was joking.

Deaf whales

Whales and dolphins are being deafened by noise pollution in the seas around Ibiza. But it’s not the incessant beat of the island’s world-famous discos that’s causing the problems. It’s the increasing number of passenger ships, yachts and fishing boats that is threatening the fragile marine ecosystem.

Scientists warn that the noise around the Balearics, Canaries and in the Straits of Gibraltar could have a disastrous effect on the whale and dolphin population. The deafened mammals lose the ability to use their sonar systems and die when they are hit by boats.

Tax hike for absent home owners

Council chiefs in Ibiza’s biggest tourist resort are planning to slap a hefty tax penalty on owners of empty homes. It’s an attempt to increase the supply of properties available to let and drive down prices. Current rents are beyond the reach of many ordinary families.

“We have discovered in the municipality it is very difficult to places for less than 450 to 550 euros a month which puts a heavy load on many people, especially families of lower middle incomes,” said local housing chief Joan Pantaleoni. Where the council finds evidence through utility bills and so on that a place has been empty for a year the IBI tax may be increased by several hundred euros a year. Pantaleoni added that this was very much an experiment.

Taking the Micky in court

More than three years after the road rage incident which allegedly left Spanish TV actor and singer Micky Molina 44 permanently scarred, the British man Robert P will finally appear in court in February. The case was due to be heard in June.

The public prosecutor blames Robert P for attacking Molina with a sharp implement after a crash in the Ibiza resort of San Antonio. A sentence of three-and-a-half years is being requested although it’s possible that Molina’s lawyers will press for increase to five years for a charge of attempted murder.

Golf course row

Ibiza council chiefs have rejected another planned golf course which the developer Andria Investments claimed would be a 100 million euro investment in the island and would bring quality tourists year-round.

The course and a five-star hotel would have been built on the outskirts of San Antonio on the west of the island. A few weeks ago another planned golf development on the east at Playa d’en Bossa was rejected. The backer of that course is a leading member of the Partido Popular and the current council actions are seen by some as revenge following the PP’s loss of power in the May elections.

Hotspots using Trustive from Ibiza to Edinburgh via Barcelona

Hotspots using Trustive from Ibiza to Edinburgh via Barcelona

One of the mixed blessings of writing about technology is that I get to try the latest products including at the moment an “all you can eat” wi-fi hotspot service from Trustive. Getting to play with this stuff sounds fun, but it drives my wife nuts and it’s not always too much fun for me either.

As I write this I’m on my way back to Ibiza from Edinburgh, a trip which in this case involves a four-hour stopover in Barcelona. My plan was to do some work courtesy of the Trustive wi-fi hotspot freebie from “Trustive”. The service allows you to log into thousands of hotspots worldwide. Well that’s the theory.

Trustive’s free Hotspotter software can find eight wi-fi networks from the café where I’m sitting at the moment. Unfortunately I can’t log into any of them, at least not without paying. The frustrating thing is that according to the advertisement showing on Hotspotter there is a service in Barcelona airport which I can use. Unfortunately I’ve no idea which one.

I can also look for hotspots offline using a directory on Hotspotter. If I do that it tells me there’s no service in the airport. I guess the directory must be right and the advertisement’s wrong, although both are provided by Trustive. But there’s an added frustration to this.

My plan when I was in Edinburgh was to use some of the numerous hotspots in the city to keep up with work, emails and Facebook. First problem: finding anywhere with a Trustive-linked hotspot open on a Sunday evening in Scotland’s capital city, at least anywhere conducive to working. Second problem: logging on.

I eventually found a branch of the trendy All Bar One pub chain in the business district which was both quiet and open. Logging on was rather more of a problem. Hotspotter could find the network, but I couldn’t get in, even though log-in was supposed to be automatic. Vista on my laptop could find the network and give me a log-on option. But although I’d entered the information into my Hotspotter software, I didn’t have the details available except in my Gmail account. I had to get online to retrieve them.

In the end I paid to get online to get the details. It was the only way to get my user name and password. They worked. But my success was short-lived. My log-on lasted no longer than ten minutes before I was thrown offline. Two hours in the pub was worth half an hour in an office, in terms of achievement. I even stayed sober.

The following day I made my next attempt. After half an hour I worked out that the problem was Vista and Hotpotter overlapping. Logging on and just using Vista worked fine. Trouble is the only way of finding if a network is available is using Hotspotter. And that leaves me sitting here disconnected in Barcelona. (And this was uploaded to my blog 24 hours later.)

Ibiza's DC10 is 'not a disco'

One of Ibiza’s best-known clubs has been fined 18,000 for having the wrong sort of licence. DC10, one of the clubs closed by the authorities at the beginning of the summer for lax attitudes to drug dealing, was hit by the fine when it was revealed the club only has a “café concierto” licence.

Councillor Paquita Ribas said: “This does not even permit dancing inside.” Another 13 bars, restaurants and clubs were fined varying amounts mostly for breaking noise regulations and leafleting without a licence.

Drugs admissions in Ibiza

Ibiza’s main hospital Can Misses said that admissions for drugs overdoses increased last year from 679 in 2005 to 824, a rise of over 20%. Cocaine emerged as the most common cause of emergency admissions, accounting for almost a third of the cases. Next were amphetamines and designer drugs – speed and ecstasy- which were behind a quarter of the overdoses.

Alcohol was reported as the principal cause of emergencies in almost a quarter of drug-related admissions; doctors only register booze problems for these statistics if other drugs are involved as well.

Red tuna sanctuary

The Ministry of Agriculture is considering setting up a sanctuary for red tuna off the coast of Formantera. The giant fish are in danger of becoming extinct as a result of the Japanese passion for sushi.

The best specimens can fetch thousands of euros in Tokyo’s fish market. Scientists say the threat comes not from the traditional fishermen who have caught tuna in the Mediterranean for thousands of years, but from high-tech guided by spotter planes.

Disco booze cruises under threat

A judge in Ibiza has refused to rule out criminal charges against the captain of a disco boat following the death of a young Irishman in July 2006. The case came to prominence because 24-year-old Basil Bourke was the nephew of the then Irish defence minister Willie O’Dea.

Bourke and a friend jumped off the “Captain Nemo” into the sea. His friend was rescued, exhausted, 90 minutes later. A post-mortem showed Bourke had ingested a significant quantity of drugs. Judge Santiago Pinsach referred the case to the public prosecutor saying this could result in manslaughter charges.

Making the captain responsible for the actions of holidaymakers could threaten the future of these cruises which often provide unlimited booze which youngsters combine with the consumption of illegal drugs.

Fake kidnap

A man who police say faked his kidnapping has been found in Ibiza. The Huesca National Police have been seeking him since the summer when another man contacted the police to show them messages on his mobile phone.

These demanded a ransom of 15,000 euros and included a picture message showing the “victim” with a plastic bag over his head. Police became suspicious when they discovered that the man owed Social Security 15,000 euros.

Cretu mansion to be demolished

What could be the final legal attempt to prevent the demolition of the Ibiza mountain-top mansion of multimillion-selling musician Michael Cretu has failed. Courts now say the massive house with its recording studio, cascading swimming pools and hanging gardens must be knocked down and the hill restored to its natural state by November 2008.

The secretive Cretu is the man behind the phenomenally successful Enigma project which has sold well over 100 million albums worldwide with no live performances. His early success, however, came in the 1980s working as a keyboards player with massive-selling pop artists such as Boney M and Milli Vanilli. He later collaborated with Mike Oldfield.

Despite living in Ibiza for many years the Rumanian-born musician has seldom been seen in any of the island’s clubs. He prefers instead to work in his private studio, often with his wife Europop diva Sandra Cretu.

For years he has fought legal battles with the government which accuses him of building his mansion on protected land. He has been supported frequently by the local council of Sant Antoni (San Antonio in Castilian) which originally granted planning permission.

Four years ago the council was told it will have to pay for the cost of the demolition which would run into millions of euros. Not long after that the Balearics Islands Council passed a law which would provide an amnesty for some illegally-built properties. As the Partido Popular controlled both the Sant Antoni and islands councils this was widely seen as politicians of similar political persuasion helping each other out.

But last week the judge threw out the latest appeal saying that the Cretu mansion could not be legalised under the act. The current mayor of Sant Antoni responded to the judgment saying: “Our war is over. We will do what the court says.”

As always throughout this saga there was no public comment from Cretu.

Sometimes it's hard to feel sorry

The torrential rain last week brought misery to many on the island last week, including parts of the Matutes Group of companies. Anybody who knows the island at all well will be familiar with the name "Matutes" through Señor Abel, the former foreign minister in the Spanish government and his company that owns a large part of the business on the island including construction companies and the Fiesta Hotels group.

Abel Matutes was seen very much as the guiding hand behind the massive and controversial road-building project on the island. The fact that his daughter Stella was head of the council committee responsible for the construction didn't do much to allay the suspicions. There was, however, never any evidence that the Matutes family would benefit financially from the road-building project.

There are other construction activities where Matutes definitely has an interest. One of those was a golf course planned for Playa d'en Bossa. Again there's been opposition on the island. The argument for golf courses is that they'll attract more high-spending tourists to the island year-round. Those against are concerned by the huge amount of water and chemicals needed to keep the courses green. They also wonder if golfers are really the sort of tourists Ibiza needs especially as there are loads of other places for them to go.

Anyway, one of the problems with Ibiza's new motorways is they can't cope with rain. All of them have had sections closed during last week's storms. The airport road has had particular problems and its construction has turned the area round the proposed Playa D'en Bossa golf course into a quagmire. And this is pouring mud into the Fiesta hotels near Space. The land for the golf course and the Fiesta hotels are owned by the Grupo Matutes...

DC10 is not a disco

A list has just been published of the various bars and nightclubs that have been prosecuted for breaches of various regulations. At the top is DC10 which has collected 18,000 euros in fines mostly because it has a "cafe concierto" licence. This sort of licence is intended to allow bars to provide musical entertainment, not including dancing. Bit of problem for a disco.

Rumours have abounded this summer from "well-informed sources" that this was definitely the last summer for DC10. I just went to see if there was a DC10 website. There isn't. But I did find the Circo Loco MySpace page. It says:

Jan 1 2008 8:00A circoloco@dc10 Ny special event! @ Ibiza (baleares)

Quick round-up of other Ibiza news

The long-running saga involving the illegal construction of Michael Cretu's hill-top mansion finally seems to be coming to an end. The high court has ruled that an amnesty on illegally-built properties doesn't apply and it's going to be demolished.

I find that I now live in the most expensive area for property prices in the Balearics. That's the municipality of Sta Eulalia, followed by Calvia in Majorca and then Ibiza Town.

The government´s published a slightly confusing set of figures showing that emergency drug admissions to Can Misses, Ibiza's main hospital, increased by 41.3% in 2006. The figures are for people who've been admitted after taking drugs not prescribed by a medical professional. It's the breakdown I don't understand - cocaine (31.7%), followed of amphetamines and designer drugs (26.2%) and alcohol (23.3%). That doesn't add up to 100% and I'd be surprised if a large proportion of the cases didn't involve multiple consumption. Still 824 people is a lot, whatever the technical reason for their admission.