Battling Telefonica

The post below which reproduces my Guardian column should have appeared on the day of its publication. Well it would have done had Telefonica not cut off my phone and internet.

Anybody planning a move to Spain should take this series of events as a warning. It started on Friday May 26 when my internet connection died at about 10.15am. Picking up the phone I found the dial tone had been replaced by a series of rapid beeps. So I called Telefonica using my mobile. (The number's 1004 and if you say "Ingles" at the appropriate moment when the recorded message goes quiet you'll get through to an English-speaking operator.)

I was told there was an outstanding bill. That was the first problem. I've made several attempts to change name and address on the bill from the previous owner. Telefonica would only tell me how much was owed if I could provide his full name and DNI number. I dug that out and was then able to find the exact figure outstanding.

In much of the world you'd be able to use one of the various bits of plastic in my wallet or the internet to pay. Not here. Instead you have to go to a specific bank and pay cash. You can't even do it from your own bank which has the standing order. The Telefonica operator told me I'd have to go to the BBVA bank.

So, off I went. Struggling with my abysmal Spanish, I worked out that the BBVA teller was explaining to me that I could only pay the bill between the 10th and 20th of the month. Remember I was doing this on the 26th.

There was a branch of my own bank nearby and so I thought I could at least deposit sufficient cash for me to make another attempt at paying online. By then it was nearly 2pm when the Spanish banks close.

On the Sunday I went to an internet café. I checked my bank account and Telefonica appeared to have been paid.

On Monday morning I called Telefonica to see how long it would be before I was reconnected. I was told it would be within 48 hours, but the money had not showed up yet. But that could just be the speed my bank operates.

Wednesday I was still without phone or internet. This time the operator told me that the money had not been paid. “Go and ask your bank.” I went back to the internet café and checked my account. At that point I realised my mistake. The money that had left my account was for the following month’s Telefonica bill. So, one payment was still outstanding.

A couple of the Telefonica operators had told me I could pay the bill as the Banesto bank on Tuesday or Thursday. I phoned to confirm the days and time, but the operator told me she could not give me the information without the DNI and full name of the person on the account. I called again with the previous owner’s details and now I knew that if I turned up at the Banesto bank with the correct cash and all the details between 8.30 and 10am it would be sorted.

At 8.35am I was in the bank. At noon the phone rang and a recorded message welcomed me to Telefonica.

There must be an easier way…